Black Stockings
by Hagane
Summary: Mitsui gets hold of a pair of black stockings...Rukawa was first. who could possibly be next, especially now that Sendoh's helping Mitsui out.
1. the socks

This is definitely non-yaoi. Daijoubu desu! ^^  
  
Oh, and be warned.  
  
This is a very pointless fic- - you have been warned. .  
  
  
  
What would happen if the boys found a pair of black stockings? O.o  
  
  
  
SHOHOKU  
  
(locker room)  
  
AUUUURGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
"What the- -?" everyone runs to the locker room.  
  
Akagi was holding up a pair of sexy black stockings with utter revulsion written on his face.  
  
Akagi: To whom does this...this...this...THING belong to?!!!!!! X/  
  
Mitsui(innocently): Gee Akagi, how would we know? C.C  
  
Miyagi(snickering): Yeah, how would we know? C.C  
  
Sakuragi: What are those? O.O  
  
Akagi throws it at him in disgust.  
  
Akagi: Get that thing out of my gym right now!!!!  
  
He storms out in a huff.  
  
Mitsui picks up the stockings and looks it over carefully. He sniffs it.  
  
Kogure(blushing): M-Mitsui! W-what are you doing? O-O  
  
Mitsui: Hmmm. Smells of perfume. I wonder whose this is... (eyes stockings carefully)  
  
Miyagi: I bet Aya-chan will look great in it! *-*  
  
Mitsui(imagining the team manageress clad in the stockings and black lingerie): Hmmmm...not bad..(nose starts to bleed)  
  
Miyagi: Oi! Stop dreaming about my Aya-chan you hentai! (kicks Mitsui hard in the shin) X/  
  
Mitsui(snaps out of it): Baka! X/  
  
Sakuragi(curiously): Oi, Mitchy, what are those things? O.O  
  
Mitsui(feigns shock): You mean the tensai doesn't know? O0O  
  
Sakuragi(turning red): Of course the tensai does! The tensai knows everything! Dare you insult the tensai's intelligence?  
  
Mitsui(slyly): So what are these then, tensai? *snicker*  
  
Sakuragi: Errrrr... {A/N: he has no idea but Sakuragi being Sakuragi will NEVER admit defeat *giggle*}  
  
Miyagi(prodding him): Huh? Tensai? What are these black things then? .\ .\  
  
Sakuragi: Errrrrr...well, they're special gloves! Souyo! They're special gloves! NYAHAHAHHA!!!!!! Told you the tensai is a genius!!!! =D  
  
Rukawa(sighing): D'aho.  
  
Sakuragi: TEME!!!!!!!!!! X/  
  
Kogure: Maa..maa.. (tries desperately to stop Sakuragi from killing the other boy)  
  
Mitsui and Miyagi: Gloves? *blink*  
  
Sakuragi: Souyo! You wear them like this!  
  
He grabs the stockings from Mitsui and pulls them over his arms.  
  
Sakuragi: See? They're gloves!  
  
Miyagi: They're rather thin for gloves don't you think? (points to the legging) And they're joined together. Not like gloves.  
  
Sakuragi: That's why they're special! NYAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! =D  
  
*collective sweatdrop*  
  
Miyagi pulls the stockings off.  
  
Miyagi(scrutinizing): I wonder what material they're made of...  
  
Kogure(curious): Why do you ask? O.o  
  
Miyagi: Well, they make even the biggest thighs look slim...must be magic..  
  
Kogure(shell-shocked): Mi-Miyagi! O.O  
  
Mitsui(nodding): Yeah, I've often wondered as well. What is it that makes them so special? Do they shrink the thighs of the user or something?  
  
Kogure(nearly faints): Mitsui! O.O  
  
Mitsui looks around.  
  
Kogure(in a faint voice): Wh-what are you looking for, Mitsui?  
  
Mitsui: Ahah! We'll just have to find out for ourselves then! Who has the biggest legs here?  
  
Kogure faints.  
  
Miyagi: That would be the captain!  
  
Sakuragi: NYAHAHHAAHA!!! Gori!  
  
The others nod.  
  
Mitsui: But he'll never agree the spoilsport. We'll just have to settle for someone smaller.. (turns to Sakuragi with a strange glint in his eye)  
  
Sakuragi(backs away): AH! Baka Mitchy! Don't come near me! Shoo! Shoo!  
  
Yasuda(whispering): Never thought I'd see the day Sakuragi backing away from someone.. O.O;;  
  
Mitsui grins evilly.  
  
Sakuragi: Mitchy! Look! The kitsune has bigger ones! Look! Look! Don't come near me! {A/N: bigger ones? *snigger* }  
  
Mitsui ignores his pleas and continues to advance.  
  
Miyagi: You know, he's right.  
  
Mitsui stops, just inches from where Sakuragi has backed into a wall.  
  
Rukawa: D'aho.  
  
Mitsui turns slowly (aka slow motion) and..well, his eyes are twinkling evilly. {A/N: *sweatdrop*}  
  
Mitsui: Come here Rukawa..  
  
Kogure recovers and sits up as Kakuta fans him.  
  
Kakuta: Sempai? Daijoubu desuka?  
  
Kogure: H-hai..(smiles wanly)  
  
Mitsui(in a singsong voice): Oh Rukawa~ come here~  
  
Rukawa(glare): D'aho (but starts to inch away, nevertheless)  
  
Mitsui: You can run but you can't hide~ ~ ^-^  
  
Miyagi: He's definitely having fun.. O.O;;  
  
Mitsui then lunges for Rukawa. He manages to pin the boy down and starts to pull down the poor boy's shorts.  
  
Kogure pales and promptly faints again.  
  
Sakuragi: M-Mitchy! What are you doing?!!!!! O.O  
  
Mitsui: Don't just stand there you bakas! Help me get these off him and THESE on him!  
  
Miyagi(muttering): Dear God, dear God....  
  
He holds down Rukawa's flailing arms while Sakuragi, still looking shocked, pinned his thrashing body to the ground. Mitsui yanked his shorts down while the others gasped.  
  
Haruko decides to pop in at this time. Her reaction? Priceless.  
  
Haruko(cheerfully): Ohaio minna-san! Ohaio onii-chan! Sakuragi-kun! (whispering) Rukawa-kun...(blush)  
  
She freezes as she beholds the sight before her- Rukawa being held down by Sakuragi and Miyagi and Mitsui on top of him, trying to remove his shorts completely while holding his kicking legs still and trying, at the same time, not to be kicked silly.  
  
Her eyes widen in horror.  
  
Haruko(screaming her head off): AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! \\O0O//  
  
She runs away, shrieking like a banshee. {A/N: Sorry, I don't like her much .}  
  
Mitsui(looking up): Ara? Haruko? Oi! Matte! (leaps after her, black stockings in hand)  
  
Mitsui: Oi Haruko! Wait up! I just want to ask you- - !!!!  
  
Haruko: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HENTAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mitsui: ? *sigh* oh well... (resumes undressing a VERY agitated Rukawa)  
  
Rukawa: D'aho. Let go of me!  
  
Mitsui finally succeeds in pulling the stockings on him. Unfortunately, they only reach up to his upper shin.  
  
Mitsui stands back to admire his handiwork. Miyagi and Sakuragi let go of him and step back.  
  
Miyagi makes a face. Mitsui's face is experiencing some difficulty..and is contorting horribly as he tries to decide whether to laugh, cry or to keep a straight face.  
  
Sakuragi: *stare* stare* stare* stare* O.O  
  
Yasuda, Kakuta, Shiozaki and everyone else: ... {A/N: Yare yare~ I don't know them all you know! .}  
  
Mitsui finally caves in to laughter.  
  
Mitsui: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! XD You look disgusting!  
  
Miyagi: Take them off Rukawa.. You look gross...(tries to suppress a snigger but fails and ends up with a hacking cough)  
  
Sakuragi: *stare* stare* stare* stare* stare*  
  
Rukawa(deadpan expression): Oi, d'aho. What are you staring at?  
  
Sakuragi: I-iie..betsuni..(thinks) Ewwwwwwww....have mercy on me..  
  
Kogure revives yet again, sees Rukawa in those dreadful black stockings and faints, yet again. {A/N: Wuss}  
  
Mitsui(laughter finally ceasing): Take it off Rukawa! You look ridiculous! XP  
  
Rukawa: D'aho. It was your idea in the first place.  
  
He peels them off, gingerly and yanks his shorts back on in a flash. He then proceeds to stalk to the bin but before he could stuff the horrid thing in with all the other trash, Mitsui grabs it away.  
  
Mitsui: Uh-uh! *shakes head*  
  
Rukawa(slightly annoyed): D'aho.  
  
Miyagi: Well that didn't turn out too well.. .  
  
Sakuragi: Damn you Mitchy! You just ruined my appetite! X/  
  
The other boys had paled considerably. Suddenly fainting didn't seem like a bad idea at all.  
  
Mitsui: I admit that was a bit of a, err, let down. But never fear! We shall find another victim, err, candidate, err, specimen... whatever! XP (turns to Rukawa accusingly) It's your fault! Why are your legs so pale damn it? X/  
  
Miyagi: ?  
  
Rukawa: ?  
  
Others: ?  
  
Surprisingly, Sakuragi nods.  
  
Sakuragi: You need darker skin.  
  
Mitsui(raising an eyebrow): So you're volunteering ?  
  
Sakuragi(recoils): N-NO! The tensai said no such thing!  
  
Mitsui: Oh come on Sakuragi!  
  
Sakuragi: Get Ryo-chin! (points to poor Miyagi Ryota)  
  
Miyagi(looking like a deer caught in headlights): N-no! Mitsui-san! I never did anything to you! Please! Have mercy! ;_; (tearing)  
  
Mitsui: Well, scientists often test their own theories and hypothesis..  
  
Miyagi(yelling): Try it on yourself then! X/ Anyone! Just not me! (thinks) what would Aya-chan say if she saw me wearing that.. that.. thing?  
  
Mitsui: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! X/  
  
Rukawa: D'aho. You said it yourself.  
  
Sakuragi: The kitsune's right! You just said that sometimes scientists- -  
  
Mitsui: Urusai baka! I didn't mean me! X/  
  
Miyagi: *sniff*  
  
Mitsui: Fine! I'll get some specimens to base my theory on! Some friends you are! .  
  
Miyagi(muttering): Look who's talking. XP  
  
Mitsui stomps out of the gym in a huff, grumbling about useless teammates and fainting vice-captains and screaming girls.  
  
Sakuragi: Oi Mitchy! Where are you going? O.o  
  
Mitsui glanced over his shoulder and flashed a mischievous grin.  
  
Mitsui: Ryonan. 


	2. what could be so hard about it anyway

Mitsui whistled nonchalantly on the train to Ryonan High. The carriage was empty as everyone gave him a wide berth. Okay, maybe not him, but his companions at least- a certain boisterous redhead who loomed over everyone in an intimidating manner, and a shorter, supposedly conspicuous guy who kept sniggering every few minutes. Truth be told, if he didn't know them he would probably avoid them also. Not that he didn't try- the two kept close at his heels even when he'd tried to shake them off. Why he even bothered he had no idea.  
  
Sakuragi: Oi Mitchy!  
  
Mitsui: What?  
  
Sakuragi: What are you going to do there? O.o  
  
Mitsui pointedly ignored him.  
  
Sakuragi: Mitchy! Dare you ignore the tensai! I'm asking you something here! X/  
  
Miyagi: Oi Mitsui-san. There's no point pretending u don't know us. Everyone knows.  
  
Sakuragi: Yeah, you should feel privileged that you are in the company of the tensai and Ryochin! =D  
  
Mitsui sighed.  
  
Sakuragi: Why are you so quiet all of a sudden? O.o  
  
Mitsui: Yare yare~ I'm trying to think.  
  
Sakuragi: About?  
  
Mitsui(trying not to lose his cool and at the same time, not to lose his train of thought): About what I'm going to do there.  
  
Miyagi: *snigger*  
  
Sakuragi(curiously): But why do you even bother? O.o  
  
Mitsui: What do you mean?  
  
Sakuragi: It should be pretty easy don't you think?  
  
Miyagi: Yeah, what could be so hard about it?  
  
Mitsui(sighing): Well, I suppose you're right. It can't be THAT hard to get one of them to try on these babies..(takes out the stockings from his back pocket)  
  
The other passengers shrink further back in the other cabins, trying to put as much distance between themselves and the red-haired, laughing punk, the studded, sniggering guy and the blue-haired hentai. {A/N: *snigger* Mitchy, Mitchy...if only you knew}  
  
  
  
Mitsui crept stealthily towards the gym. Or what he thought was the gym. Boy, was he confused when he was bopped on the head violently by several ballerinas who didn't take too kindly to peeping toms.  
  
Mitsui sat on the ground, rubbing his throbbing head while his so-called friends laughed at his erm, misfortune.  
  
Sakuragi(guffawing); NYAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Serves you right Mitchy! I always knew you were a sissy but still! NYAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! XD  
  
Mitsui: Urusai baka! X/  
  
Miyagi: Geez Mitsui-san. Wait till I tell everyone what a pervert you are! HAHAHAHAHA!!! XD  
  
Mitsui: Urusai kono bakas! It's not like that was intentional! Give me a break will you? .  
  
The laughing duo did what was expected. They just laughed harder.  
  
Mitsui: *sigh*  
  
He started to wander off in another direction, hoping somehow to find the gym.  
  
  
  
Sakuragi: Oi Mitchy, maybe you should ask for directions.  
  
They had been wandering around, lost, for approximately five minutes that, to the impatient threesome, seemed like eternity.  
  
Mitsui(disbelieving): What? Ask for directions? Me? Why don't you do it then since you're the tensai!  
  
Sakuragi: NYAHAHAHA!!!! I know I'm a tensai! You flatter me! NYAHAHAHA!!!! (stops laughing abruptly) But you can't trick me! The tensai never asks for directions! Never!  
  
Mitsui: Yare yare~ Miyagi?  
  
Miyagi(sputtering): M-me? You want me to ask for directions?  
  
Mitsui nods.  
  
Miyagi: NO WAY! You go ask! XP  
  
Mitsui: BAKERU! Who do you think I am, asking people for directions! Mitsui Hisashi doesn't ask for help from people you understand! {A/N: darling Mitchy has INTENTIONALLY forgotten the, uh, HELP he asked for, just moments before, with Rukawa. Fortunately for him, the other two aren't so quick}  
  
And so, the three of them walked about Ryonan High's compound, lost, indignant and sulky for five more minutes. (A/N: this is what happens when your ego's too big for your own good}  
  
Sakuragi(finally fed up with walking around lost): I'll go ask since the tensai is so nice.  
  
Miyagi, Mitsui: Yare yare~ @-@ *rolls eyes*  
  
Sakuragi(catching sight of someone): Oi! Smiley! Do you know where the gym is?  
  
Miyagi: .....  
  
Mitsui: ....  
  
Smiley, oops Sendoh does a double take on seeing them.  
  
Sendoh(blinking): Sakuragi-kun? Miyagi? Mitsui-san? O.O What are you guys doing here?  
  
Sakuragi: NYAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! The mind of a tensai is hard to figure is it not?  
  
*collective sweatdrop from the other three*  
  
Mitsui: So, Sendoh, on your way to practice?  
  
Sendoh: Pretty much. I'm late though, by, erm, a quarter to an hour. *laughs sheepishly* ^0^  
  
Miyagi(curious): Doesn't Uozumi-san get mad at you? O.o  
  
Sendoh(laughing and rubbing the back of his head): Ahahaha~ yeah. And Taoka- sensei too. ^0^\\  
  
Mitsui(mad gleam in his eye): Sendoh. *-*  
  
Sendoh(cocks head): Mitsui-san? ^-^  
  
Mitsui(a strange, sadistic, crooked smile spreads over his face): Sendoh. *W*  
  
Sendoh: Mitsui-san. ^-^  
  
Mitsui(completely smirking by now): Sendoh.  
  
Sendoh(confused but decides what the heck, he'll play along, being the good sport that he is): Mitsui-san. ^-^  
  
Sakuragi(looking hard from one to the other): Ne, Ryochin, is Smiley's disease contagious? Mitchy seems to have been infected. O.O  
  
Miyagi(decides he'd rather not know):...  
  
Mitsui: Take me to your leader.  
  
Sakuragi, Miyagi: O.O;;;;;;  
  
Sendoh: Okay. ^-^  
  
Mitsui: But first.....(whispers something in his ear)  
  
Sendoh smiles. Wait, he's already smiling, so his smile, err widens. {A/N: Just exactly how much can one person smile? O.O;;}  
  
Miyagi(thinking): Uh-oh.  
  
Sakuragi: ? Somehow, I have a bad premonition about this... Don't tell me please. Don't tell me. I don't want to know.  
  
Mitsui(sniggering): If you insist.  
  
Sendoh just smiles.  
  
{A/N: *snicker*}  
  
  
  
Sendoh: Sorry I'm late!  
  
Taoka sensei(looking just about as mad as anyone can get, which is, err, pretty bad): Sendoh! What have I told you about arriving on time?! Haven't you learnt anything? Just because you- -  
  
Sendoh(thinking): Yare yare~ I get this all the time  
  
Uozumi: Sendoh Akira! I just told you this morning to arrive at least five minutes before practice! And you had the cheek to promise me fifteen minutes before!  
  
Sendoh(cheekily): Well, I did keep my word, technically. I came fifteen minutes earlier than usual. ^-^  
  
Uozumi(roaring): Forty five minutes late is as bad as an hour late Sendoh Akira! X/  
  
Sakuragi(from beyond the door): Ooooooo..I hear a gorilla mating call.  
  
Miyagi, Mitsui: *snigger*  
  
Sendoh tries not to snort. He IS standing before an enraged coach and a raving mad, erm, gorilla.  
  
Sendoh(thinking): Do not laugh Sendoh. Laugh and you're dead meat. Do NOT laugh.  
  
Uozumi blinks.  
  
Uozumi: That voice, sounds....familiar...(thinks)...sounds awfully like..  
  
Taoka sensei(face darkening): That rude boy..  
  
Both: Sakuragi Hanamichi....  
  
Sakuragi burts in through the door at the mention of his name.  
  
Sakuragi: NYAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! You called boss saru? And you too ji-ji? The tensai is here at your service! NYAHAAHAHHAHAHAH!!!! =D  
  
Everyone looks horrified. Except Sendoh of course.  
  
Koshino: W-what are you doing here you brat?!!!  
  
Ikegami: .......(thinks) I should have known that voice belonged to none other.  
  
Hikoichi: Sakuragi-san! What brings you to Ryonan? Are you checking things out? Are you spying on us? Are you here to visit? Are you- -  
  
Uozumi: What are you doing here?  
  
Sakuragi: NYAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!! If only you knew!!!!! =D  
  
Mitsui(coming up behind him): Please excuse him, he doesn't have any manners. Good afternoon to you, Taoka sensei, and you, Uozumi, and Ikagami, and Koshino, and Fukuda, and Hikoichi and erm(forgets everyone else's name), everyone else... ^-^  
  
Uozumi: Mitsui? What is the meaning of this? *glare*  
  
Mitsui: Well, see...  
  
Miyagi(popping out): Hello! ^-^  
  
Uozumi: *blink* Not you too? What are the three troublemakers of Shohoku doing in my gym? Explain yourselves!  
  
Mitsui: Well see...  
  
Sendoh(helpfully): They're here to conduct an experiment actually. ^-^  
  
Everyone: Experiment? O.o  
  
Mitsui: Yeah, an experiment. And we desperately need your help.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*clears throat* Ahem. This fic is strictly none yaoi. It's not because I detest yaoi or anything, nor is it because I fear antagonizing the non-yaoi readers. It's because I promised a non-yaoi fic and I will not fail to deliver!  
  
Besides, I don't do yaoi. Suman. ^-^ ------- sorry to disappoint ^-^;;  
  
To all who reviewed, yes, I DO check the reviews sometimes ^-^ -------  
  
kaitou naname  
  
kanasimi rj-chan  
  
silhouette panther  
  
unchained  
  
lazuli ten-chan sapphi-chan sLL and Hisashi Loves Yelen whom I have a truce with now..  
  
Thank you, thank you, thank you! *bows and bows and bows and bows*  
  
ITAIII!!! X/ *wince* I think I sprained my back.. ^-^;;  
  
Oh, and nii-sama, thank you for reviewing all my fics as well. I know you're only doing that to make up to me but it's not working. I'm still mad at you _ and even if I'm not, I'm still not talking to you. Hnn. XP~ 


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